Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
