i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
