So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
