i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
