Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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