Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
