Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
