He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
