I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
