Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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