I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
