Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
