I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
