dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
