he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
