so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
