You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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