The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
