girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
