Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize