we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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