I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
