hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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