so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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