your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize