My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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