i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
