I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
