2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
