a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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