HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Umm I'm too high to move.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
