i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
