I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
