Sponge bath it is.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
