He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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