Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
of course. lets lasso hookers.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
