Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
