Girls should come with a carfax report
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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