I'm going to jail i love you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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