take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize