It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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