Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
