My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
