I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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