Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
