Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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