She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I came so hard my ears popped.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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