wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
