Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
