I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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