i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
