Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
