Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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