i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So many bounce houses so little time
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
