im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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