i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
