Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
