where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize