Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
