Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
