We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
