Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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