Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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