I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
