My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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