remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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