Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
