I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
