Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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