Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
