Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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