You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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